The Princess and the Primate

It reads like a Hollywood classic. Your mind ventures immediately to an imaginary tale of love, irony, and conflict with stunning princess dresses and flying poop. If this was what flowed through your mind as you read the title, then you are threatening to steal my thunder. Nonetheless, I proceed to fill in the minutia that perhaps you missed in your haste.


Casting can be a challenge for every director, but even given the small group of actors I have available to me in my home, namely Casey, Emma, Gabe, and well, myself, I was still able to find the perfect match of actor to role.


Starring in this imaginary tale of love, irony, and conflict with stunning princess dresses and flying poop are:


Emma Conley, as "The Princess"
Gabriel Conley, as "The Primate"
Daryl Conley, as both "King" and "Zookeeper"
Casey Conley does have a cameo role as “Zoogirl” who is a behind-the-scenes Primate living quarters hygiene professional.


Ok, I have a confession to make before proceeding too much further down this path of deceit. Although I'm writing the blog that explains the movie...it's really more of a documentary that intends to capture vividly the lives of the Princess and the Primate as they take place in their native environments. There is no written script, though I'm sure the minds of the subjects are independently filled with vibrant fiction. Ok, back to the Movie!


"Action!" The King, sitting comfortably on his throne is interrupted by a hopeful princess. The Princess is carrying her stunning princess dress as she approaches the kind King. King Daryl looks at the young princess "do you want to wear your stunning princess dress?" The princess replies "I cannot do it." The congenial King descends to the young princess and with some force, puts the stunning princess dress on the young princess.

The young princess traipses off the set happily. "Cut!"


The set changes to the toy room located in an upper wing of the King's castle.


"Action!" The Princess prances around the toy room in oblivion as the Primate enters in a slumbery fashion. King Daryl, sitting upon his comfortable king's chair, watches the drama unfold.


In true primate fashion, the Primate shows no regard for royalty or social order and approaches the benevolent king without the expected pomp that normally accompanies King Daryl. The merciful king takes the Primate into his arms and holds him closely. The Primate, after a short stint on the king's lap decides it is time to do primate things, and descends. Across the land of toys, the Primate sees a young princess in a stunning princess dress. Without hesitation, he rambles in the direction of the Princess.


The Primate says, "OOH OOH AAAH AAH OOH AAAH" and beats his chest in greeting. (Translation: “I need that toy.") The Primate reaches for the toy in the Princess' hand.


The Princess, in fierce response, says "No Primate, that's my toy...WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH WWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH."

The Primate, in clear disregard for her royalty, steals the toy and runs quickly across the room.


"PRIMATE," bellows the authoritative King. "Come here NOW!" The Primate, though immune to hierarchy in general, looks towards the King, who is also the Zookeeper, and slows. The Primate cautiously moves towards the threatening King Zookeeper and submits himself at the mighty King Daryl's feet.


“Primate – you do not take the Princess’ toy. Do you understand?” The Primate, in a quite tame fashion responds humbly, “ooh aahh, oooh oooh.” (Translation: “yes.”) The decisive King Zookeeper demands action by the Primate, “Give the Princess a hug and say you’re sorry.”


The Primate slowly approaches the Princess and gives the stolen toy back to her, then embraces her begrudgingly and says ,”ahh ahh ahh ooh,” meaning “I’m only doing this to avoid further punishment.” “CUT!”

A few hours later, the Princess sleeps peacefully in her princess bed, still wearing her stunning princess dress. The Primate, peers through the wooden bars of his cage to survey landscape around his quarters. We join the Primate live via a hidden camera to catch the Primate unknowingly in his native habitat.



“Action” The Primate, in obvious dissonance to the King Zookeeper’s commands, remains awake in his cage. Soft music plays softly in the background creating a sleepy ambience, but the Primate seems unfazed by its subtle harmonies. As time passes, the Primate begins to succumb to his natural instincts. As if being spoken to by some wild, innate voice, he knows he must act out his native ritual.

With his Lightning McQueen Pull-up tossed out of the right side of his cage, he begins the ancient tradition. As if moving to the beat of some distant drum, he poops in his cage, with a slight smile edging from the corners of his mouth.


He shouts “OOOH AHHH OOOH OOH OOH AHH OOH AHH” (no translation available) and begins to rhythmically throw the poop across his entire habitat. As he throws the last piece of poop, he proudly surveys his work and smiles in obvious approval.

In his last act of rebellion of the scene, the Primate turns to the left side of his cage and decides to spray his scent, with great pride, soaking the ground cover near his cage.


The Primate has finished the ancient ritual and he once again surveys the landscape to admire his work. With his Pull-up on one side, his poop spread to and fro, and his spray on the other side, his work is complete. The sounds of the innate voices and distantly beating drums soften until he can no longer hear them. The ambience music again sends a sleepy harmony his way. The Primate, weary from his ritual, lays down and succumbs to sleep. “CUT”

The surprised King Zookeeper enters into the primate’s quarters.

“Action” The wise King Zookeeper appraises the damage done and slowly walks out. “Zoogirl – The Primate needs you!” “CUT”